CABAL oNLIne Philippines...

weeEEeEe.... i love playing this online game....

even thou its a little expensive game...
well.. its okey.. beacuse it gives me reason to enjoy and
to relax myself from being a broken one..
i enjoy this game..
i love to play all night long..
i dream of reaching level 120..
but its hard ...i need to spend almost everyday playing to reach level 120

sad to say..
when cabal take its maintanance last august 5,2008
they extend the lvl gap to lvl 150... ahuhuhu...

damn..i hate this news.... about the level gap...
ahhuhu
im still lvl 85 and its hard going to lvl 90...
even i get premium service for past leveling...

hays... cabal online games... give me reason to forget everything..
when i wake up in the afternoon..
playing cabal is all i wanna do..
i open the pc then spend the afternoon and the evening playing..
i know i waste my time playing this game...
im not a child anymore to get addicted to an online games...

i love playing cabal...
and now i get addicted ... ahahha...
^_^
nakkalibang tlga maglaro nang online games..

mY mom KNows That Em A goOD guy...

For All thE Sin's Ive DOne When I was At ThE Of LOnelyness And Struggle..

time that my life was misarable...

the time that i almost spent in just a CraP moments...

sMoking

drunking...

making bad things...


hanging with damn friends...

friends which just leave in time of trouble...

and those crazy friendz whos Intension is to hurt other people..

trash other people

..a friends in trouble.. a friends in crazyness..

sumtimes i dont know what i gotta do..
in that time where i almost spent it in just a mezzy life...

i know exactly whats wrong and whats right..
but the fact that i know is the things that i cannot laid off..
its true..

sumtimes im ignorant... but actualy im smart at all...

i know where my feet exactly stands...

and after ive fall and the love of my life has taken its toll..
after a year of searching for the question..
a question which i been thinking all over the year..

and once for a while .... my life been in pain...

the pain she brought... and all of the pain i fell..

its such a miracle that nowadays im here in this planet...
staying alive...
been in pain but now im surviving for all those pain...
for all the love ive wasted...
for the damn love ...
sacrifices...

and all the things i did...




now im ready to take my final life..

to be a better and a more inspiring person i would ever be..
a strong and a person which will stand at my own life...
my own reality to face all the pain ...in my past.....

and now i can eat all those FUcKIng ShITz ARoUnd Me...
All ThoZe person wHO make me cry...


and now Em just going to laught them at..

AHAHAHHA... Yah AInt Funny Aint YOu? DAmN yah mom hommieZ..

My MOm KnOws who Em I? Yah GeT IT?
Em BeTter With My MOm...

Last Nyt (july 16 , 2008)

well its kinda cold nd lonely.. waiting for sumone na mgoonline sa YM..
almost 8 pm wala pa din ngool.. walang makusap .. maxadong busy ata mga tao nowdays..
no choice Eun naglaro nalng ako nang online games..
actually my hinihintay lang acu kung mgoonlin xa.. pero hind xa ngol.. sobrang busy xa.. namimis ko na kasi xa e..namimis ko yung usapan namn kwentohan..
minsan parang gus2 ko sabihin na yung feeling ko for her.. pero i don't want her to laugh me kaya di ko nalng cnsabi kung anu feeling ko.. tsaka
im scared pa..
its better na manhimik nalng kesa ma upset xa sa mga bagay na malalaman nya..
and a thought came from my mind.. na napaisip ako.. about the past..
kea natahimik ko.. mejo napaiyak nanamn si mhac..
naawa sa sarili ..ngtatanung nanamn bakit ba ginanun nya ako..
hayzz...


dami ko namimis.. alam ba nila na namimis ko sila? cguro hindi..
kea bali wla lang acu kakalungkot isipin na til nnow mgisa parin acu..
parang neird acu na walang ibang ginawa kundi ang maglaro magisa..
laging lonely..
di ako neird ampnes..

i have my feeling pero im scared to tell lang..
pero its alright wala akng karapatan..


T_T
then ayun decided to drink a little..
gilbes gin with lime..
ahha
grabe lakas pala tumama nun kaso allergy ako.. loko si chris hindi nakapunta lakas daw kasi ulan..
kea ako? tagay magisa..
lasing na cge pa din.. buti nga wla akong kasama
kasi pag my kasama ako for sure (drama mode nanamn)


(isang beses lang kitang napanginapan at hanggang ngayon andito ka sa loob nang aking isipan,,
daig mo pa ang ma nakaraan ko na hindi ko malimutan..

ayokong idilat ko ang aking mata na wala ka..
ikaw subukan mong idilat ang mata mo..
nang makita mo ang totoo
at magising ka sa katotohanan..
mahal kita at alam mo ba?
ikaw ang taong nasa isip ko araw2?
pag gising at pagtulog pati sakin panaginip..

sa panaginip lang pala kita sinta..
isang pangarap lang pala kita sinta..
parang auko nang magising sa panaginip kong ikaw ang nilalaman..
sa dami nang babaeng dumaan saakin bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa ako
nakaktagpo nang babaeng sasamhan ako sa aking kalungkutan
at ang babaeng magpupunas nang luha..
at mag aalaga saakin..

anu bang nangyari sa mundong aking ginagalawan
at parang ang lahat nang tao e hindi na gumagalaw?
handa namn akong magmahal nang lubos
kahit sabihn mong hindi mo ako mahal
handa akong harapin ang sakit at pighati..
wag mo lang akong turuan makalimutan magmahal..

lagi nalng akong tulala..
dahil sa mga alala
mong lagi nalang lumalala..


at ang pagibig kong ito na para sayo bakit sinayang mo?
ngayon kahit ikay mahal
ay pilit nang lilimutin pagkat akoy nasasaktan
paasahin lang ako pagkatapos ay anu?
iiwan lang ako?

o aking mahal bakit ako nilinglang?


T_T AUKO NA !!

the things that i still remember..

nung baby?

nung elementary ako?

high school?
______________________________________________________________________
daming alaala e......
since elementray dami namimis...
mga classmate ko,
teachers ... lahat nang kalokohan nung elementary...

pero yung pinka-gus2 ko ir yung tignan at bantayan yung crush ko... ahaha al the time ata lagi ko xa tinitignan pero di ko masabing crush ko xa..

pero im happy kasi ive still remembered it all...
minsan gus2 ko ngang mabalikan e..
as if pde diba?
why not kung pde?
para lahat nang mali maitama...
lahat nang dapat baguhin nabago...
nkakainis....

pero wala na akong magagawa dun kasi ito na yun e...
hyskul..


sa hyskul halos wala.. kasi nafocus lang ako sa isang girl na binasura lang ako...
sa studies na wala namn nangyari... pero atleast pumasa ako nang hyskul...

ito ata ang parte sa buhay ko na pilit ko nang kinakalimutan...
pero ayaw namn nitong magpalimot..
sa hyskul ako nagmhal nang seryoso at dito din aq natutunang lumuha...
natutunan ang lahat nang bisyo dahil sa pagmamahal na binasura lang pala...
kea ako now ito.. binabasura nag nakaraan na to..
at pilit hinaharap ang mabigat na realidad nang buhay...


walang magawa... kaya ito share2 lang!!

after 3 days ...3 days had past..and i miss her so bad...

la lang... hmm... since ayun wala kaming communication namimis ko kagad xa..
nkakatuwang isipin na minsan ganto tlga life.. minsan meron kang kadamay pero madalas wala..
masya namn ako kasi yng mga unexpected naging reality kahit sandali lang...
nakakatuwang isipin na nangyari yun sa totoong buhay... its one of my biggest dream nga e... so im very happy about seing her in personal.. also for having her in my side... i cant ask for more.. like pepsi says...
its more enuf than asking for much...
much called abuse.. so why do i?
hahhaa...im not abuser but a fellow being who listen and appreciate every little things would happen to me... i keep it all...
cause em not like those who forget everything that happen in thier past...
i love to keep ol my past...


the reality? im so sad.. cause i miss her so much.. misses her voice... misses her messages.. and also misses her for being a sweet and caring person...

em just missing her so bad..
even i tell to myself... that shes just a passerby..
whom just pass me by..

T_T ALwayS tAKE CAre Po.. KEEP SAFe ALWAYS...
AND GODBLesS YOu ALL THE TIME...
ARIGATO GUZAImaZU ni
DOMO NI ITSUMO KYONI

Southmall (june 24 ,05)

hahaha ..grabe sobrang tense ako sa pagmamadali papunta southmall kahapun sobrang trafic pa sa may moonwalk.. natatatwa ako parang cnusundot yung pwet ko sa pagmamadali... panu late ako sa time.. sarap kasi matulog e... ahehhe...
sobrang excited na ewan... har3 masaya xempre.. pero mejo question mark e ? ? ?
im not sure kasi kung papansinin nya ako or what pero the thing nun nandun na.. ayun nahihiya.. pero todo kwento nang past...
sorry huh? wala taung nakitang libro napagod ka pa........
panu ba naman di natin kabisado yung Southmall e...
actualy talagang now lang ulit ako nakapunta nang southmall for the last 6 months....
parati alng sa bahay at work...
kaya ayun di ko alam na ang laki na pala nang pingbago nang southmal..
nakakatawa kasi hindi ko alam kung san pa may bookstore..
wala pa napasok sa isip ko...

masaya ako... wen i saw her ,... getting near and near me...
i approach her with a shy type boy ..
pero ayun.. di namn xa suplada as what i am thingking... shes nice and silentl ...
she walk gorgeously ,
and unpredictably smile's...
even thou i se her face questioning or something on her mind...
but i dont mind it...
shes just a little annoyed maybe..
after ayun we walk... trying to search for that book...
my smile seems to be unstoppable..
ahaha...
my smile's...the joy that she brings...
then after nun? wala just taking some snacks at kids fast food... aba feeling bata ang mga matatanda..
ahaha at jollibe Southmall...
then after nun? wala kwentohan lang .. d ko na share sakin nalng yun.. sabhin nyo iiyak nanamn ako.. di na ako iiyak.. kahit mapaiyak man... ahahha joke..
xempre there are times tla na i need to cry out loud.. for the sake of myself namn...
dati di ko naisip yung ah? ahhaha uu nga e...


kahapon? kahapon?
kung nakita ni mama smiles ko? tatawa yun?
magiging msaya ulit kasi nakakangiti nanaman aq...
hmmm.. pero dami nila tanung.. no comment ako..
la lang..
thanks for this someone.. who make me laught again... thank you please always stay the same...

sobrang msaya ako.. promise

bagyo ...at bagyo sa buhay q...

good morning halos kagigising ko lang at wala pag alam aanu ang isip ko.. pati narin yung tyan ko... for short gutom na aq...
wahehhe
salmt tapus na ung malaks na pag ulan at malakas na hangin pero di pa tapos kasi my padating pang bagyo..pero di ko alam kung ganun din xa kalakas....nakakaasar pag naulan...mababasa yung paa ko ...maarte daw ako pag nabasa paa ko... ahah kasi natupi pa[g nabasa ang paa ko... aukong mabasa ang paa ko e.. lalo na nang tubig ulan...isa pa ang ayaw ko sa apgulan? sobrang lamig ang sarap matulog...gus2 ko nga lagi lang nakahiga e.. ahaha..
pero sa lahat yung ayaw ko e yung my namimis ako dahil sa lamig nang panahon... dating my yumayakap pag cnbi kong ang lamig ah? my taong ngaalaga pag naulan? namimis ko xa in short .. pero wala akong mgawa ..la dn akong msabi kasi trying to move on na ako e...di na ako bata for me to think na masira ulit ako... masiraan anng ulo?nah nah nah.. nasira na nga yung puso ko pati ba namn physical na katawan ko sisirain ko din? auko namn.... kaya ito sobrang trying hard kahit sobrang sad,,,last friday nga eh.. ung mga kawork ko nagaalala sakin.. panu ba namn since dumating ako sa work nakasimangot lang ako.. umalis anlng ako nakasimangot pa din... di ko alam kung bakit ganun.. kahit pilit na ngiti e walang makta sakin... ngtataka sila... kinukulit ako kng anung problema.. pero di ko masabi kasi ..ngtatangkang tumlo yng luha ko.. ayuko tumlo nakakahiya...




bagyo.. at bagyo sa buhay ko

sa duyan doon sa likod nang bahay namen...

akalain nyo my duyan pala kami sa likod nang bahay.. ako hindi ko alam buhay pa pala yun...... higit dalawang taong na akong di nakakarating sa likod namin e...
di kau makapaniwala noh?
panu ba namn kasi.. mataas na mga damo dun at isa pa... la nmn ako gagawin dun e..
as in likod lang xa...
ahaha
pero naisipan akong magtabas nang damo dun.. di ko alam kung bakit ... at sa harap nang puno nung mangga nakita kong my nakatali... at hindi ko alam na duyan pala yun na inikot lang sa puno nang mangga..
nakkapag takang buhay pa yung duyan na yun... as in may mga bagyo nang dumating...
pero andun parin xa... nakatali..
ayun after ko mag tabas nung mga damo.. naisipan kung ausin ulit yung duyan na yun..nilinis ko yung environment mahirap na baka my dengue xempre...health 1st...
pero ayun nung sinigaan ko na yung mga damo... maaliwalas na xang tignan as in malinis na tlga yun kapaligiran...
next thing yung duyan namn.. hinanapan ko nang tali at succes kasi nakakita ako nang lubid...
yung ginamit namin dati sa NCR game..ayun.. makapal xa.. kaya matibay..
tsaka nilinis ko na din yung duyan..
matibay tlga yun tulad nang sabi nang mama tita ko..
i believed it na tlga..
after linisin ko siguro mga 12 in the afternoon.. ayun kumain muna afternoon.. i tried the newly repaired duyan.. well mas magnda na xa... mas matibay..
madami akong pagod ...
kasi xempre nakakapgod mag tabas nang mga damo...
until ayun.. nakatulog ako sa mismong duyan na yun...
nagising ako mga 3pm na...
ahaha.. meryenda muna xempre...
after nang meryenda... back ulit ako sa duyan na cnsabi ko..
wala i stayed quiet trip ko sana mag online pero nagsoundtrp anlng ako..
after repeating the david cooks revive song...
titled always be my baby...
something comes on my mind.. and it keeps me botheriing ..
ahaha.. pero di ko na matatanggi lagi namn ako ginugulo nito sa gitna nang aking katahimikan e.. kung kelan trip ko na munang tumahimik dun naman xa papasok at manggugulo..
kaya ayun.. di ko namaiwasan isipin yung nakaraan..
isipin xa...
kung nasan na xa..
kung anung nangyari bakit bigla nya akong iniwan...
mga tanung na sa isip ko ay nangu2lit..
di ko mapigilan isipan nang sagut ...
kaya ..by myself.. i tried to analize it all one by one..
after analizing it ...
umiyak muna aq.. bago ako natapos mgisip sa isasagut ko...
katugma nung kantang revive ni david coke...?
sa tagalog hindi ko xa haharangan na lumisan...
..kaya bakit ko pipilitin na hanapin xa?
para bumalik xa sakin? ganun ba yun?
parang baliw namn aq... umalis na nga e...
nang iwan na nga nang walang paalam... at ngayon sasabihin kung hahanpin ko xa..
...
ginawa ko yun at parang naging tanga lang aq... sabagay madaming ngsasabing tanga ako...
bakit daw ngpapakahirap ako ng maghanap anng nangiwan na..?bakit nga ba?
kasi nga minhal ko xa...
mahal ko xa..
at hinahnap hanap xa nang puso ko..
humahanap ako nang magkakalinga..
parang baby diba?
sa duyan na yun...
nahanap ko ang mga sagut sa tanung ko na matgal ko nang hinahanapan nang sagut...?
kung nsaba nyo yung Fare well. cguro alam nyo na ..
pero para malinaw
sa duyan na yun...
npagtanto at napagdesyisyonang ko nang ...kalimutan ang lahat...
mabuhay nang wala xa..
at lastly... ang ibaon ang lahat sa isang BAUL na puno nang hinanakit at sama anng loob..
cguro tama na ang mahigit kumulang dalawang toan na paghihirap...
pag luha, at pag mamahal nang wala namn minamahal ang pag aasang babalik kahit wala na...
tama na.. naawa na ako sa sarili ko...
lagi ko nalng dinadown sarili ko...
kaya lalo akong nanghihina...
tama pala lahat nang ngaadvise sakin... bakit nga ba di ko kagad nagawa yun? di ko kagad naintindhan yun ..panu ba namn maiintidhan yun nang pusong pilit na nagpapakatanga.. pusong ginawang tanga at sunod sunodan nang isang walang kwentang babae?
bakit ko xa cnsabhang nang walang kwenta?
siguro sa akin lang yun..
tama na yun...
baka sabihin nya ganun ako kasama..
malay ba natin makarating xa sa munti kong buhay..
ang blog ko..
diba?
ito ang paraan ko ang mag tala nang mga nangyari sa buhay ko...
itala lahat.. para malaman ko kung tama ako o mali..
pero sa pagmamahal nga diba walang tama... lahat mali at palpak..
isipin mo? ngmahal kana ikaw pang ibinasura..
ikaw nang ngbigay nang lahat ikaw pang iniwan...
ikaw nang ngpaka tanga ikaw pang cnktan.. unfair...
bakit nga ba kung cnu pa ang ngmamahal xa pang ibinabasura..
wala na bang tunay na pagmamahal ang matatagpuan ang isang tulad kong tunay na tao?
isang tulad ko na sobra2 magmahal...
kelangan pabang maging isa akong revengeful?
para lang msabing natutu din akong magmagal nun? ayan ba ang basihan ang lahat nang pag sasakrifisyo natin?ang gulo nakakasira nang ulo kung iisipin natin?

kaya ako... ahhaha... auko na... sobrang drama ko na e...
tama na ... siguro di na ako mgmamahal kasi ako algn din nsasaktan... isa pa wala na tlgang taong marunong mgmahal..
kung si eva nga natukso sa mansana...
sila ang emahi nang dyos.. pero tumalikod sila sa utos nang dyos at sinuway ang utos nang dyos...?
si eva ang natukso at hindi si adan.. si eva ang nag pakagat kay adan sa mansanas siguro sa totong buhay si eva ang palpak...

sa duyan ....

fare well!! its the time to move on...

hays... its realy unexpected about letting you leave..
thank you for opening my heart nad closing it brokenly... Also

for those sacrifices..
for those cares..
for those sweetness...
for all the honesty...
for all the patient...
for all the the things i learn...
for all the things i misses..
for all the time ive waited...
for all the tears ive given..
for all the days im in the grave..
for all the year im mockering ..
for all the treasures...
and for all the smiles.. tears and sadness you bring...

thank you for having you in my life.. thank you for leaving me unworthly..
thank you for such a love that ive never been into..
thank you for everything you did...
thank you for your little love...
even thought its the love that i care for..
the love that i wish for..
now the love that im hating now..
the love that i want to share for ever..
i dont want to forget you but its the fact that i need to face..
this crazyness must end
before i end my life
unconditional ,unworthy...

my last word...
i just gave all my love
my attention and all the affection
... i must say goodbye.. than saying myself as dumb as a paper to be crample..
i must learn from my past than regreting my future because of my past...
im thankful that ive been into you...
your the girl that i cant never forget...
im wishing you all the best in your life... all your succes....
TAKE CARE Dont forget the things that i taught you
you want to be free so i letting you fly.....

youll always be apart of me

girl dont you know u cant escape?
time cant erased a feeling so strong..
and i know the love that i lost will be back again..

THANKS AND GOODBYE...

FARE WELL FOR THE LOVE THAT I GAVE.... T_T

WhEN My TEArS KEEp On FALLen..(06/19/

its A quIet Nyt ...
a little cold and a little sadness covered my nyt..
wen i try to call my silentness..
at that midnyt ...starring at the Stars.. its like hell thinking my past life..
from being a PAst BAD guy ...
even thought my life was been change of that girl..(my eX g-F that trASh My Heart and My Emotional feeling)
this could be the reason why i am thinking something in this cold midnyt ...


WisHIng This:
(how could i turn back the time and reset all the things happen in my past life)
.....Why i would wish to reset my past life ..?
so i could laught and i can tell to my self that I AM NOT that kinda Of DUMb person...
For Loving SOmeone who never try to love me back and stay for me forever...


i never thought that shes going to leave me .WORTHLY..
SHE LEAVE ME unworthly ..


Im feeling so dumb .... for her being so numb...
now this dumb feeling is shaking hard into my heart..
feeling cold even im trying to refcus myself in that past..

(ZaLamAt Za mgA ng AAdViCE PAxEnxa NA KunG di AKo MAKApg Move On )


peRo DARAting din Yung Time nA un.. Di palng siguro nGAYon..
Im just staying quiet and just praying to god to notice me about my past ...


HiNdi NAMan LAHAt NANg KWEnTO NgTAtAPoS Sa KABIGuAN At WALang KWENTANg KAtAPUsaN..
KUNdi NASa KAtApUsan Ang PINkamGNdanG KwenTo NANG BUhAY!!!


MARk LESTER JOSE

For (miSS.daisy Bernaldez)

It feels like a lifetime,
A thousand days have passed by
Since I held you close to me
If I could see that smile from my friend
I know that I could live again
I need you here with me

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right
Now you're so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart i'll always stay
girl, lately my sun doesn't shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling,
girl 'cause my sun doesn't shine,
Sun doesn't shine without you

This is more for me than for you
girl I finally see there's no substitute
For what we have
Do you know how much I love you
Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right now you're so far away
Gonna tell you and show you
Do whatever I can do to get back to you
girl, lately my sun doesn't shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling,
girl 'cause my sun doesn't shine,
Sun doesn't shine without you

kagabi kagabi kagabi..

im losing... i want to forget about her... but i cant.. i want to see her.. i wanna hug her and ask her
(why she did it to me)
..
kagabi? while chatting on miss,daisy bernaldez one of my old classmate ...ayun naopen ko yung topic about it .. kaso wala akong magawa e... andun na yun topic..
buti kung pde mo pang ibalik yun diba?
kaso... andun na nga kaya i continue telling what happen for that last few years.. pero alam ko namn its almost 3 years na from now...

pero i still feel the pain and it still remind me how painful it was..
as she frequently asking me how come this one revolve ..
i cant answer..

im crying.. im crying ..im crying..
till i texted her..
pero pagkatapos nun?
ayun si ako nakahiga umiiyak at hindi ko nanonotice nakatulog na pala ako..
sabagy sakin ok yun para di na ako masaktan pa..
malu2ngkot nanamn aq..




i Still feel the pain...
the pain dat change me..
the pain that reminisce me.
and still the pain that hurts me inside...
and still this wounds come not to be healed
but to leave a mark..
that ill be forever bring it..



kahit masaya ako.. abot ang ngiti kasi kausap ko xa.. la ako magawa e.. naiiyak ako..
pero im thankful kasi after founding her ..
now shes giving me inspiration..
strenght for ol the things happen in my life..
thank you .. i know u know who u are already!!

MAZya Ako At NahanAp Ko Xa..

welL.. foR along time searchng ... ika nga nila ..try and try until u succed it.. wahahaha.. dami pang cnsabi.. wala lang bilib lang ako sa sarili ko kasi kahit college na sila...di ko pa din nakakalimutan ang mga old classmate ko at mga friends ko.. meron nga iba dyan... akala mo kung cnu nang mga tao..
napaka suplada e...